In case you haven’t noticed, I am a biiit OCD. Every decoration in my apartment has a specific place and angle, each outfit has its certain jewelry and accessories, and all my plans – from tomorrow’s to my funerals’s – have particular times and details.
Now, this has come in handy many times during my life; I always know where I put my homework, I never have to pick up before having company over, and I never forget where I am supposed to be during the day.
However, there is one major flaw to this habitual lifestyle, and now, more than ever, it’s rearing it’s ugly little head. Because I must have everything justtt right, I tend to stress if/when things go awry.
I remember in junior high, when projects became lengthier and homework was more complex, I had a constant stomachache, as I just wanted to do so well on everything. With eighth grade graduation right around the corner, I stressed about all my work.
In high school, the worrying turned into ulcers, so I had a sore mouth pretty often, due to finals exams, playoff games, one-act plays, and deciding on a college.
While in college, I definitely did ease up; the laid-back lifestyle of being so free made me realize that going with the flow of whatever party popped up that night or whichever group I was thrown into in class was easiest, more preferred, and almost natural.
You’d think things would be better after three years of higher education, but now my college graduation is coming up, and I’ve learned I didn’t even know what stress was.
Where will I work? What am I even going to do with this journalism degree? Is it okay that my GPA sucks? I don’t really want to stay in Austin, do I? Do I want to go back to New York, though? LA’s nice, yeah? Is that too far from fam and the boyfriend? Oh, gosh, what’s the boyfriend going to do? Can I handle long distance? Maybe I should go to grad school? But you hate school, remember? …Can I just rewind back to, like, kindergarten?
So nowadays, I have to make sure all my things are in place after Cat runs rampant AND keep planning amazing outfits for my last year of school AND figure out what I want to “be when I grow up” AND…ADDITIONALLY…remind myself everrry siiingle dayyy that we’re here to just live – not to figure it all out. I have ideas about where I’d like to end up and what I could be doing, but since I reallyyy don’t know, I have to be okay with taking it as it comes, rolling with the punches, and enjoying the present (which is pretty beautifully great, so I guess I’m okay with that:).
wordy wednesday = woman writing